Cycling and television need to reevaluate their relationship.

I love cycling, but watching it on television (or webcast) is a 2/10.  Those great stages are great in spite of the coverage.  Brian Cookson, these suggestions are for you and the network executives.  

1) Paul and Phil need to replace themselves.  Look, we all loved them when we first heard them.  We all quoted “suitcase of courage” and “around about” incessantly, but P & P have become predictable as the camera angles during a stage.  They have 4 takes, and they rotate around them with clockwork precision.  My particular kryptonite is the Saxon invasion of whatever castle we are currently looking at that occurred in 1659.

2) Data.  Give me bigger, faster, and more detailed ticker.  We’re all geeks for numbers now, right?  Hire Strava and let me see as many data fields as you can muster, most importantly power and heart rate.  I would be glued to see if Contador nearly has a jammer when Nibali decides that it’s on, and then watching the 130lb monster throw down 500w for 4 minutes.  

3) Cameras. I can put a GoPro on my dog and get some pretty good stuff.  The UCI needs to throw some money at Panavision or call up Roger Godell or something. HD has been taken advantage of beautifully by the ATP, NFL, and the NHL.  Cycling needs to realize despite the crazed hordes on Ventoux, cycling is not a gate driven sport.

4) Mic more of them up and hire a clever translator that can give us all the details with some context.  Offer a time bonus for every rider that accepts the lavalier. 

5) Way more Bob Roll (just not in commercials).  Yes, he says Tour DAY France, but the man is a goddamn poet.  Respect.